CALF_News_December_2019_January_2020

20 CALF News • December 2019 | January 2020 • www.calfnews.net M y middle older sister, Kayla, is one of those people who weighs 100 pounds soak- ing wet. She’s itty bitty and always has been. Growing up, we stored our cattle mineral in a shed at the hog lot just east of our house. The mineral had to be unloaded by hand and stacked in the shed at that point. Kayla was riding with the mineral in the back of the pickup when the spare tire fell on her. It was one of those things that looked a lot worse than it was. She ended up with some pretty good bruises, but was fine. That week in school just happened to be Drug Awareness Week. Kayla was in second or third grade when this hap- pened. During one of the speakers in her class, the focus was alcoholism. Kayla, covered in bruises, attested that yes, her parents were alcoholics. Thank goodness we went to a very small school where the teacher knew my parents. My parents would split a beer when grilling, which was only every once in a while anyways. This speaker, I’m sure, had some pre- conceived notions of my parents. He saw a bruised child saying her parents were alcoholics. Were his notions correct? No. My parents are far from alcoholics. This happens so often in the agricul- tural space. When was the last time you read or saw something that somebody said about agriculture that was incor- rect? Today? Yesterday? If not, you’re not looking very hard. Most people are at least two genera- tions removed from the family farm. There are a lot of people in the world gathering information about our lifestyle and the food arriving on their plates from a lot of incorrect sources. We have a humongous communication gap today. Communication is such a vital part of carrying on this farming lifestyle, not just in our own families so chores get done, but with the rest of the world so we can pass it down to another generation. Whenever something goes wrong, it’s normally because we’re not communicat- ing effectively. I hope you realize that if you don’t communicate effectively about what’s happening on your farm, some- body else is going to. That person may or may not have a clue. Somebody is going to do it and do it better than you. The top communication problems include not listening because you already have a preconceived idea of what the message is and, consequently, you inter- rupt without allowing them to finish; letting emotions dictate response; mis- interpreting the message; being indirect or vague; attacking character rather than a behavior; and avoiding the difficult conversations. A few issues ago, I wrote about my par- ents establishing a succession plan. They completed that plan and shared it with us a while back. It had everything from who the land was going to, who was the medical decision person, who the power of attorney was, what they expected from us and so on. I’m sure it was not an easy discussion for them at any point in the process. Because they were willing to have those hard conversations, we girls and our husbands know exactly what’s going to happen. There isn’t going to be any surprises while we’re grieving. I so appreci- ate my parents doing this. I’m so proud of what my parents have accomplished and, while we girls helped, they are the ones who made it happen. It is theirs to do with what they wish. I appreciate they are open and honest with us so we can ask questions now and know the legacy they want to leave behind they spent a lifetime of building. Two things are certain: death and taxes. Nobody has made it out of this life alive yet, well no mortal human. It’s an uncomfortable conversation to have. I don’t want to think about my parents dying, ever. But, folks, it’s going to happen. And because they loved us enough to tell us what they want, we will be able to honor their memories by fulfilling their wishes. Recently, I’ve revamped and relaunched our blog. The life we lead is pretty stressful. To counteract that, I write. I love writing and I love sharing our lifestyle that less than 2 percent get to live. My marriage is the absolute most important thing in my life. Agriculture ranks close to the top of my passions and priorities. Working with your spouse is hard, and I and appreciate the tips and tricks that I learn and thought I could pass some of our own along, hence Marriage Monday was born. I knew that I wanted to advocate, so Farm Friday was a no brainier. Wednesday became Wild Wednesday where we write about anything and everything. This blog started as a way to share what we’re doing on our farm. It was an effort to spread some truth among the misinformation easily accessible on the Internet. It was a way for me to de-stress and have an outlet. The farm section of the blog was where I would focus. What I’ve found is just the opposite. People are coming to the blog for Marriage Monday. They sometimes stick around for Farm Friday, but not always. But they come back the next week for Marriage Monday. Telling It Like It Is By Kelsey Pagel Contributing Editor Continued on page 23  COVER STORY Communication